Tuesday, October 30, 2012

I just want to play music

There are times when I feel like Calculus homework helps me practice violin better.

There are also times when I feel like I was meant to play in orchestras for the rest of my life. As a violinist my parents kind of expected that should I excel, it'd be in the solo performing route. And I like playing concertos and sonatas but I usually prefer a LOT of sound, so I turn to large orchestras.
That's my home field, a large orchestra. So, it really bugs me that now that I am an adult, I'm expected to be as competent as a music major to be able to participate in symphony orchestras. I'm slower than most and I try every day, but as time passes from this point, I will soon be incredibly below the standard expectation to join any professional music group. This is my self-loathing part of me speaking, of course, and it's because I have just watched this:

The school looks as hard to get into as Juilliard except it humbles itself so it doesn't have the pressure of the name "Juilliard" slapped on it.

The professors there are a plus, too, take it as you will:
Dimitri Murrath
In all seriousness, though, I really miss the experience of just playing symphonies and orchestral suites. My school orchestra played Brahms Symphony no. 3 two years ago, and I didn't appreciate it then as much as I do today.


And at districts last year I got the chance to play Bartok's Dances of Transylvania and Grieg's Holberg Suite among other beautiful pieces.


I. Prelude and II. Sarabande
III. Gavotte and IV. Air
V. Rigaudon 

I missed regional auditions this year, but I will NOT miss districts! I just want to play beautiful music with equally dedicated people. :(
I guess that is my dream - "A dream that DOESN'T MAKE MONEY."

Brb crying on the inside.

Monday, October 22, 2012

"I am suddenly alive..."

The shock of winter,
The coming on of spring...
Suspended summer nights,
The evening flights that
only fall can bring...

I am suddenly alive,
I would sail across the world for just the color of your eyes.
You appear, appear to me.
--"Octet" from The Light in the Piazza

The past couple weeks have been a blast! My school orchestra had our first concert with our substitute and it turned out to sound really wonderful. I've also noticed that with the music he selected for us, I had to be pushed to think while I'm playing to play it well, and I don't know if it's because he's commanded us a couple times that I finally got to understand how important that was, or if I had grown wiser as a musician and decided to do it on my own too. Anyway, preparation for the first concert and the actual performance turned out to help me grow a lot, and I'm so grateful.
 I wrote a review about it on the orchestra blog.

This week I also have my recital list finalized so I don't have to worry about picking out a new song to practice and to perfect in a limited amount of time because A) I have been working on some beautiful pieces yet never had the chance to perform them, so the recital's perfect for them, and B) I'd much rather spend so much time perfecting the sound of the pieces I already know the notes by heart. I feel like since my recital's in March and also because I am a lazy person when it comes to practicing (Hahaha....), I can get a lot more valuable work done perfecting musicality in four months rather than technicality in a new piece and then having little time to touch on musicality.

So far, the program is:
  1. People of the Far North - Nobuo/Hamauzu
  2. Attack on Bevelle - Hamauzu
  3. Besaid Island - Hamauzu
  4. The Swan - Saint Saens
  5. Pavane for the Dead Princess - Ravel
  6. Vocalise - Rachmaninoff
  7. Concerto in B minor op. 35 - Rieding
And it'd last to about 33 minutes at minimum which rocks. I really only need 20 minutes to send to IB, but going over makes me feel great.

I also found out today that my math grade jumped up two letter grades on my report card thanks to a massive test, THANK YOU CALCULUS.

Things are looking well. Annie out!

Monday, October 8, 2012

Practicing

When I was still formally learning piano my mom (my teacher) would always tell me that "practice makes perfect". I carried this on with me as I took on the violin and consequently dropped piano, though over the years it's become second nature that I didn't even hear the phrase anymore. I picked up the piano again two years ago as a method to channel my emotions after a break-up.


I always went to the practice rooms every chance I could during that period and that was when my then ex-boyfriend noticed and helped me practice piano better. Over the years, I had either forgotten or never learned how to practice well, because when "practice makes perfect" suggests that the focus is perfection, I had only thought of the end result. And the end result should indeed be perfect, but what I didn't catch years ago is that the journey to perfection is just as important. Perfection and how to get there are equal, so we have to know how to practice before even getting to sounding right.

It's easy enough for people who have had private instructors to understand. Looking back my mom emphasized slowing down to be able to catch mistakes often. I just never really thought about it and why it works. And it always bothered me to slow down, because I am young and energetic and I like things to be fast-paced. It wasn't until two years ago when I decided to pick up very pointillistic, impressionist piano music that I practiced slow deliberately and saw how effective it was (with the help of my ex-boyfriend, of course, who is in every way a much more accomplished musician than I am). I took it as I was investigating a martial arts fight while I slowed down the time. It's much easier to see precisely how the fighters move about as they move slower than in real time.

Now as a high school senior who finally understands this paradigm, I am more critical of other people's playing, but also more understanding. One of my friends (I'll call "T.") is a skilled pianist and violinist and is continuing to study music in college. I commemorate her, except she is lacking in proper violin skills for one reason only: she does not practice slow. T. has a common issue where in order to sound better, she speeds up her playing each time. She is a much more agile player than I am, but because she doesn't see the importance of slowing down, her playing has become sloppy. Another friend (I'll call "A.") just naturally speeds up as he plays because he has not been a disciplined counter through the years, so he has an even harder time practicing and getting better at home, I imagine, because he is constantly lost.

The problem, here, I believe, is that practicing slow was never enforced and reinforced in them as musicians, and they're not alone. Anyone who is studying music in grade schools is probably lost in understanding the importance of practicing properly. In class, the teachers only have time to enforce how to sound correct without explaining how to get there. It's a terrible loss for students who want to better themselves as performers but can't because they don't have the resources to grow. And this group of people, frankly, make up more than half of my high school orchestra.

Dear Mom, I should be a music education major.